Monday, January 24, 2011

I miss my Friend

A Special Friendship was not made by jumping in the car and riding around..b/c I never saw Summer outside the hospital. It was not made by hugs and high-fives...b/c Summer and I were not allowed to touch each other. It was not made b/c of outer beauty...b/c Summer and I always had masks covering our faces when we saw each other. This friendship was different

We called to talk about our O2 sats, our wheezes, and always about how we felt. We talked about how God blessed us with our amazing children...(that we NEVER thought we would have..) We talked about our husbands that sacrificed many things because they wanted to take care of us. This friendship was about God giving each of us one more more breath.. This friendship was based on one of us pulling the other one along on the days that we had a bad attitude about being sick. Today, God is carrying me in his arms because I am missing you pulling me along...
Summer, You were an inspiration to me...Love Always....

Written Jan 6th, 2011

Saturday, January 22, 2011

A week at Home

Days go by and I  {{{SCREAM}}} why????  I tell myself...I'm  really tired of this...Am I even living?  My answer..."nope"..I work  at this just to exist.  I get up to do breathing treatments, I follow that up by two IV's and then my blood sugar bottoms out.  I sit at home alone during the day counting my respirations, checking my pulse ox, looking to see just how blue my toes are, and then it's time for another breathing treatment.  Around and around I go, just to finish one treatment only to start another IV.

So after being home from the hospital 5 days, I have decided...This is the stuff that is getting to me lately.  God puts it in front of me so that I can realize how blessed I am.  I am here, RIGHT!!  I have a purpose. So I know God is no where finished with me, yet!  So. I have decided, I am letting go..a leap of faith...GOD..TAKE CONTROL OF IT ALL!!
I am not in this alone. I have a son with the grandest heart. he loves me!!  My husband...absolutely is amazing.  I have a wonderful family and some of the greatest friends!  Being sick is NOT the end of the world!

Remember, THINK BIG for God is big, don’t be scare to START SMALL in your faith and GO DEEP in it. God alone can move the ‘mountain’ in your life.  Daily he moves my mountains.  I know the days that my breaths seem so heavy, God always lightens them and my faith in him inspires a smile on my face.  

Friday, January 14, 2011

Not the adrenal gland??

When your at the end of your rope...tie a knot and hang on !! I am only able to hang on because God put glue on that rope for me......

The doctors have been working on some blood work lately and they believe we could have an answer.  I have been complaining...(very little...well ..I mentioned it one time) about feeling light headed in the energy (no..I'm really not lazy) low blood sugar....low blood pressure....can't tolerate cold weather.. very shaky (like from the inside out).  Come to find cortisol levels are they label me as having adrenal insufficiency or adrenal burnout.  So you ask??  What do you do for that???  If your like me, you google it 12 million times before the doctor comes in to  talk to you about it...haha...I am now going to take a small dose of
HYDROCORTISONE each day!!!!  are you kidding me.....STEROIDS>>>>>>>>>OH...Golly .. I DISLIKE that.!!!!  So I am was it worthing finding out what was wrong...or should I have just lived with it??  I really am hoping this is something that in time I can taper off of.  I am hopeful that I will start really feeling better.

 You always hear everyone say, "When it pours."  The Bunkers really need so many prayers to lift their family at this time.  He is in the hospital and they have found a mass on the frontal lobe of his brain.  I believe he will be having surgery on Monday.

Do you lift your eyes to the maker only in times of pain?  Do will lift your eyes daily? Do we only cry out when we have fear?   We never know what is ahead of us daily...We should call out daily to GOD.  He is waiting to hear from us daily.  I know I have alot of mountains ahead of me to climb.  What a blessing it is to know God wants to hear from ME!!!

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Hour by hour

Today, I feel like I have watched the clock on the wall ...tick..tick..tick..My days seem to slowly fade by when I  am in the hospital.  I just received a text from Skywalker.  He also sent a picture that he had just taken of himself.  The simple words that followed....I love u....   My heart aches for him while I am away.  His little smile makes me melt.  There are days that I wonder....what will happen when God calls me home?  What about Skywalker and G.I. Joe?  Who will leave the lights on in each room so G.I. Joe will have something to fuss about...{ha.ha.ha}  Who will scratch Skywalker's back at night?  Who will sing the wake up song to him before school?  I know God has a plan for this.  He already has it all....worked out.  I pray everyday that I find a way to make each day special...Even my bad days are good.   I have another moment...another breath...
The life I have now is only the beginning.

Psalm 2:8
 I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you shall go. I will counsel you with my eye on you.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Ramdom @ UAB

I am back in the hospital.  My sweet husband is with me through the weekend.  I am so sick of this place!!  I am so sick of meds...breathing treatments...IV's...doctors...nurses, but it's like G.I. Joe always says..."The alternative would not be good.."  PFT's 52/36 admit

I really love this song..but of course I had to change it a bit....

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the OCEAN at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors
Oh, and life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even gray, but she buries her baby

The shallow breaths of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the ocean at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The shallow breaths of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I've always known the loving of a man
And it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand

There's a soilder here in town, says he'll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The shallow breaths of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

So put on your best, girls, and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singing
Funny, when you're dead how people start listening

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the ocean at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them, oh

Posted Late

Written on Christmas 2010
What to celebrate....Of course the birth of MY LORD and SAVIOR...
With that being a mom, I can't help but celebrate the happiness I get out of watching Skywalker taking it all in!!  I could go a lifetime without a gift to unwrap.  What I have can't be days and nights are magical because of G.I. Joe and Skywalker.

We had a blast at my parents home opening up gifts, but we saved the best for last.  Skywalker's last gift of the night was a beagle puppy.  Oh...Oh...he was so cute...and excited...{SMILE...GRINS...KISSES}.  As soon as he picked up the puppy he called him BUDDY.  

Christmas morning was so much fun.  These are the moments I will remember a lifetime.  We gave lots of hugs that morning and kisses.  We played for hours with new games and toys.  That is what makes my life completely worth it.

I have been feeling pretty good lately.  I am staying close to the house.  I know I have got to get past the New Year before I go back to the hospital.  I called and got a refill on some meds to get me by.  Seems like G.I. Joe is doing alot of grilling lately.  I just can't seem to get enough energy to get going.  But nobody is complaining about the grilling...It is AWESOME!!!

Isaiah 9:6
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. 

Christmas is UP! La

Aw....Christmas Lights....We now officially look like Christmas around here!!  Amazing what a few hours of decorating will do.  Skywalker and his cousin did a wonderful job decorating the tree.  Now, he thinks I should already have presents ready to go under the tree.  What a joy it is to see his little face light up.  I believe it is brighter than all the lights on the Christmas tree.  Thank you, God...for allowing me to see his sweet smile. (Last week of November)